Yogur de Saliva [Pineapple | with Aloe Vera]

That's right folks, Yogur de Saliva... now you don't even need your own saliva to digest or enjoy this tasty beverage, it's done for you, pre-digested in a bottle.

If only--I wish--actually it's Yogur de Savila... which is Portuguese for Youghurt of Saliva... hey awesome, so it is saliva after all...

No no... unfortunately Savila translates as Vera and I have no idea if it's portguese, apparently, so no luck with that... how do I know, because on the other side of the bottle they have the potentially "English" version of the name, Yogo Vera...

Okay, about to open the fridge door, take it out and have my first gulp...

Oh jesus... i think i just threw up in my mouth a little... no wait, i think i just took a sip of someoen else throwing up into my mouth a little..notice the lowercase "i's"... my body is suddenly drained of life as i try to refrain from barfing.

Why oh why would they sell a drink that is made up of someone else's predigested goodness?

Okay, maybe I exaggerate, you are immediately hit with a very tangy pineapple yoghurt tang, did i mention it was tangy? Anyway so after recovering from the tang you get hit with a wall of pure glucose, though i'm yet to understand what all the hype about "with Aloe Vera" is all about.

But hey, it's proudly a "PRODUCT OF SOUTH KOREA" and that's okay with me.

Okay, second and third sips now and once you get over the tang, it's basically cloudy pineapple juice. It has chunks in it which at first I think might be pineapple but they're probably vera.

Now I just shook it and had finally tasting gulp... I recommend you shake it before consuming, now there are a lot of chunks, chunks of someone else's pre-digested salival efforts, but well worth y
our effort.


Ta(ng)ste (7.5)
Weirdness (6) 
Satisfaction (6.5)

Let's get physical [House Wellness | C1000]

House Wellness C1000 claims itself to be a physical drink (whatever that means). It was a hands-on experience – I give it that, but it was no more physical than any experience I’ve ever had with a Coca-Cola Classic.

It’s red and yellow coloration immediately reminded me of McDonald’s, but that is where my familiarity ceased. I believe it is called C1000 because it contains 1000mg of vitamin C (16% of your daily recommended allotment). “vitamin DRINK” is written largely across the center of the bottle, so this may be the actual name. I am unsure if the drink contains any other vitamins because the only other recognizable character on the bottle is the number 8 displayed between some Japanese characters and followed by an explanation point. 8!!!! GREAT!!! 8 vitamins maybe? Vitamin C, vitamin big-eyed boy that looks like a girl, vitamin bear driving car?

The actual drink was carbonated. It tasted like a milder (less medicine-tasting) red bull with a stronger citrus taste. The drink tasted average to me. There was nothing bad about it, but it just got boring after a while.

Taste (4)
Weirdness (3)
Satisfaction (3.5)